we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What a dumb baby whore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
