she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
