i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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