Please, let me fuck your mom
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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