dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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