You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
