Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize