Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
there's paper in my vomit.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
