wake up i wanna do it froggy style
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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