Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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