She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize