I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
