Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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