I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
