I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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