He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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