My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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