My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
