It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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