We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
