i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
