she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
