just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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