don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
