loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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