i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
