i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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