Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
