glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
