yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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