He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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