I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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