My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
