sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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