Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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