If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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