Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
