how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
