I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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