I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
this hospital has no fireball
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
