why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
