someone threw a dead crab at me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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