thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
