When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
