I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
