i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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