what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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