she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
