Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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