I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
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her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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