ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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