Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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