ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize