He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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