I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
