It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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