READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
