**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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