i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
