he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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