I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
