my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
