ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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