i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
