Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
